Guide to Discussing Advance Care Directives

Talking about your advance care directive with loved ones is a way to share your wishes for medical care if you’re ever unable to make decisions for yourself. This isn’t just a legal document—it’s a deeply personal expression of how you want to be cared for in vulnerable moments, like serious illness, injury, or the end of life.

A recent New York Times article, “It’s Time to Talk About Your Advance Care Directive,” highlighted the importance of these conversations. Dr. Jennifer Gabbard, director of the Palliative Medicine Research Program at Wake Forest University, called it “one of the most loving things” you can do for your family. Taking the time to have these discussions now means your loved ones can make decisions with confidence, knowing they’re respecting your wishes.

And this isn’t just a conversation for older adults. Even if you’re young and healthy, you can approach it as an “in case something unexpected happens” discussion. Omni Kitts Ferrara of the International End-of-Life Doula Association suggests this framing can make the topic feel less intimidating and easier to talk about.

Here’s a simple framework to help guide these conversations with your loved ones:

• Start with Why It Matters
  Explain why you’re having this conversation: “I want to make sure my wishes are clear so things will be easier for you if something happens.” Emphasize that this is about love and preparation, not fear.
• Share What’s Important to You
  Talk about your values—whether that’s maintaining independence, prioritizing comfort, or honoring faith-based beliefs. Discuss specific scenarios, like resuscitation or life support, and what you’d want in those moments.
• Document Your Wishes
  Let them know your advance care directive will ensure your decisions are followed. Share where the document is stored and who your healthcare proxy is.
• Revisit the Conversation
  Life changes, and so might your preferences. Let them know this is an ongoing conversation, not a one-time discussion.
• End with Gratitude and Reassurance
  Thank them for being willing to talk about this with you. Reassure them that this is about making things easier and less stressful for everyone in the future.

Having this conversation is one of the most meaningful gifts you can give to the people you care about. While it might feel uncomfortable at first, it builds trust, clarity, and peace of mind for everyone involved. Finding your way when you need home care or are planning for future needs can be intimidating. We created a guide so you can take a moment to collaborate with loved ones and see what the road ahead could look like. Download your free guide here.