Speaking at a Funeral: What to Say and Other Eulogy Tips

No one wants to be the person who has to speak at a funeral. It is already a difficult time, dealing with grief and loss.

Adding on to the thought of public speaking may be genuinely terrifying. No matter how well you knew the person you are eulogizing, when thinking about what to say when speaking at a funeral, the mind will likely go blank. The tips below will help you stay calm and make an unpleasant task a little less challenging. 

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How to Give a Speech at a Funeral

There is no perfect way to know how to speak at a funeral, but these tips can help you prepare and appropriately honor your deceased loved one. 

• Tell happy stories. Rather than list off positive qualities of the deceased, share stories that demonstrate those qualities. Ask friends and family members to share their memories as well if you need help remembering an event or just want to add more stories to your eulogy. Keep things positive. No matter what TV and memes on social media tell you, funeral eulogies are times to share happy memories; negative feelings can wait. 
• Less is more. A speech given at a funeral should stay between three and five minutes. Make sure you write down your speech and have it on notecards or a paper in front of you, so you don’t forget things if you start to feel emotional, and you also don’t ramble and lose track of time. 
• Ask for help. Have a friend or family member read your eulogy for you, preferably someone who knew the deceased well. They can make sure your speech flows and also make suggestions on which stories to add or omit. Additionally, knowing others have read and appreciate your writing can provide some encouragement when you read it in a room full of strangers. 
• Practice. Practice reading your eulogy out loud. Hearing your words out loud will help you know they make sense. If you run into tongue-twisting words, take them out. Practicing alone or in front of a mirror will also help the words come more easily when you read them in front of a group, especially if you are not a fan of public speaking. 
• Speak low and slow. When we are nervous or emotional, we tend to speak faster and in a higher pitch. Remind yourself to speak slowly and in a low voice. Everyone will be able to understand your words, and the lower voice tone will make you sound more confident, even if you are feeling nervous. 

Giving remarks at a funeral is hard. Remember, everyone is there to celebrate your loved one with you, and no one is judging you. Consider it a part of your grieving process. It is simply an opportunity to remember and honor your loved one.

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